The search to find myself


I always find it difficult to talk about myself so bear with me! :)

I'm 25 and I live in Ottawa Ontario. I find myself in that period of life where I just feel I can't catch up, everywhere I look I have friends and family finishing degrees, getting married, starting families, buying houses etc. For a long time this was bringing me down, but a few weeks ago I had what I can only describe as an epiphany and realized that it wasn't what I acheived in life but how I felt that truly mattered!

In my welcome post I explain that I suffer from severe depression and have for many years now which brings me to the creation of this blog. I'm hoping to be able to reach those who feel alone, ashamed to open up and talk about what's going on inside. If they read my journey, maybe it'll help them to feel differently and look forward to facing this ilness head on and to never give up!

Here are a few fun facts and quirks about myself:  I am a huge Harry Potter fan/addict :P. I can honestly say that I have read the entire series over 30 times (yes I know I seem to have no life :P) and take every online trivia quiz session I can find. I do love reading many other things as well, favorite authors are Nora Roberts, Diana Gabaldon, Sue Grafton and so many more. I've studied music many years, piano, flute, and recently began my dream of taking vocal lessons. My coach happens to be one of my best friends and one day I know you'll all be listening to her albums! I am a huge family person so some blogs may be about my family or family oriented, and I am incredibly blessed to have an amazing (albeit crazy) group of friends that I could never live without!

I'm pretty lucky with my lot, so many people wonder: Why the depression?

Simple, I can't control it. My body is demonstrating that I have a chemical imbalance in my system that makes it nearly impossible some days to even get out of bed to grab a glass of water or void my bladder. You may think I'm exaggerating but there was a time where I would let me myself get to the point where I was so uncomfortable I was in pain before I would get up. 

Many people have such little understanding of what coping with depression is like on a daily basis. The worst part is that it can come from absolutely no where as a chemical imbalance, or a side effect from going through traumatic experiences, even a change in lifestyle. Anything can begin a depression and unfortunately it's not always possible to see the warning signs before it's too late.

Everyone has a different way of coping, for some they need to work almost non-stop to keep the emotions at bay, others can't function, and some are very good at keeping everything hidden. It's ok if you don't feel comfortable talking about it with your friends and family, but I strongly recommend you speak with your doctor. I've had a few different family doctors over the years do to moving, or they retired, or simply I could not open up and say clearly what needed to be said. If that is your case then PLEASE find yourself another doctor, one you can speak to about everything because in the end your health is what is important. The right doctor will not judge you, will not make you feel insignificant. They will make you feel like everything will be alright.

You'll find out a lot more about me along the way! It won't always be easy but I promise that everything you read on here will be completely honest.

I am not an expert! So I may find ways to cope that work well for me that won't work for you, this is very important and I beg you to not get discouraged!

I'm looking forward to taking this journey with you!

Lots of love,
Meagan xo